It is difficult to imagine that we learnt fear and anger and even insecurity and lies.
I mean you get to ask, when has there been a time we lived without any of these emotion present within us? Haven’t these emotions served us and prevented us from dangers and disappointments that abound out there?
Shouldn’t these emotions be allowed so we are protected and our boundaries are maintained?
All of these negative emotions are a part of the balance that makes each individual human and unique. As said, earlier in the last article, it’s not that dangers do not exist. Neither are there NOT going to be moments that we will be hurt, disappointed, experience anger or have to lie.
Rather, for a moment, pause and see if you can remember the first time you experienced any or all of these emotions. The exact moment or the exact situation when you truly exhibited these emotions. What were the specific, surrounding circumstances or series of linked events that informed the expression of these emotions?
Fact is you probably can but if you were to think a bit further, you would remember another moment before this moment(s) that you just thought of. It goes to show we have all at some point, had personal experiences that made us make decisions or seen someone and thus modeled someone in our lives that has exhibited similar emotion, consciously or unconsciously.
Directly or indirectly, we have been influenced on what boundaries to accept and reject and what and when and where these emotions should be exhibited. Our individual markings determine however how intensely they are going to be expressed.
But imagine for a second, a baby who grows up in the forest never learning about gravity and in fact always encouraged to seek and explore without any cautious trait. Will that child not learn to easily jump around like the monkey does and hardly or never scream at the sight of a beautifully created snake?
In the same way if we were taught to accept dangers, disappointments and pain as part of living and growing, we would learn to appreciate them as not something to inhibit us but rather as lessons to improve our knowledge and nudge us towards more positive transformation.
I remember travelling to Europe on this particular trip and seeing these many old folks in this city like I had never beheld on previous visits. So, I asked a friend of mine Arden, if they had no witches there. He looked at me, puzzled for a while and then I asked again if they did not experience witchcraft in this particular area and part of the world. After a thoughtful moment, he answered me, amused and said, “oh yeah, they have an annual convention here regularly.” He went on to narrate how colorful and interesting these gatherings were. He said these in a matter-of- fact manner that made me wonder if he had considered the gravity of his response. I felt like he was talking about a social club. Now it was my turn to be puzzled because my question wasn’t out of the blue. A few years earlier, I had visited a town in Nassarawa State of Nigeria along with my church members for evangelism. The threat of witches and witchcraft was something we had been vehemently prepared for, warned against and we had adequately prayed against. The fact is that many in Africa are reputed to die young and don’t live to be old men and women. This is often attributable largely to so-called witchcraft and lots of inexplicable display of metaphysical forces being experienced or at the very least, weird stories of envy, jealousy and community in-fighting narrated that resulted often in many pre-mature deaths. So going into this rural community with my heart in my mouth was my natural expression of fear from all that I had heard over many years growing up in Africa. This fear was so bad that years later after I had started personal development lectures and was invited back to lecture a group of students and teachers in this particular community,I was so scared that I didn’t go back then but kept the invitation at bay.
Now I look at this and remember a similar incident as a young lad where my father narrated to me that on his way back home late one dark night on a remote village road after a rendezvous with his friends as a nearby market, he strangely noticed that his bicycle tyres were on fire but they were not burning. He ignored the strange incident and got home safely without any harm. The following morning an old man knocked on my grandfather’s door so early, telling him to warn his stubborn son not to go out at night else he could be harmed. I was in this same village years later and I was billed to write a university entrance exam (JAMB) in a nearby town. I had to pass that same route my dad had pased all those many years before on his bicycle.
Before deciding to pass this particular road, I had no inclination to be afraid because I didn’t remember this was the same road my father had told me about. But as soon as I was on this road this early morning when daylight was still an hour away, I involuntarilly remembered my father’s story and then started to look around with a little bit of jitters at first. Soon enough my fear started to manifest in me seeing what seemed like fire-like beings who followed me and kept watching me. With every step I took, my heart palpitations were at more than a 100 beats per minute and my fears escalating way wilder than the fastest formula 1 racecar. I had their eyes following me at every turn i made and every step i tool.until I walked the end of the road. I was saturated with the worst imagined fears of harm coming to me on this cold early morning. this would be one of the most dreadful days of my entire life.
Now imagine a woman who has been through five relationships and in all these relationships, has been abused or mistreated and you ask, but that’s not her choice but her reality. If she’s cautious of relationship or feels insecure she has a right to it because of her past. You may be right except if we were to walk a little deeper into her past before any of these relationships we may find out that there are issues surrounding her fears and need to be around a man who would n
treat her right. Perhaps she grew up in an abusive family where she saw her mother maltreated and abused and “internalized” that women were meant to be beaten and maltreated and thus she grows up insecured and all. The simple law of attraction applies here by informing us that “that which you focus on, ponder on and think about consistently, tou bring about into being.”
So when Arden my friend in Europe responded to my earlier question with amusement and slight distraction, it dawned on me that it’s not that witches didn’t exist in Europe making a lot of people grow old. Hey, they just saw them as another set of humans having their own social clubs like we enjoy our own rotary clubs among others. And so, my experience as a young chap walking that same road where my father had a seemingly metaphysical moment which he ignored but I had internalized was simply me focusing on the fear generated from that tale and I had thus imagined them as real. There really were no fire-like beings on my way to writing my exams that fateful morning. They were all figment of my imagination. And guess what, upon this realisation and discovery, I did go back to that town in Nassarawa State that I had been invited to 8 years before, to teach the teachers and students. I had only declined and avoided honouring the invitation on unfounded and baseless fears. Several years later no harm has come to me following the visit.
So from simple, sometimes sincere and most times un-informed teachings and indirect, unconscious learnings that we take from our parents, our spiritual leaders and friends and even in the movies we watch, we enhance our learned internal inhibiting emotions and allow them to dictate the extent of our growth. Most times, they do limit us. it does not matter if this is not fear but shame, rejection, pain or hurt.
But now that you know that there are these emotions, do you deny them and go on to say “I’m never going feel them again?” Unfortunately dear friend, knowledge doesn’t translate into transformation. it was Einstein who said that “imagination is more powerful than knowledge.
For every limiting belief you are experiencing there is a neural bridge, a powerful imagination tool in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), connecting your past to the effect it has on your present. Until that negative emotion is unravelled and disintegrated and positive new meanings or bridges are formed, you will not be totally free.
I’ve shared with you, some of these stories from which I have learned many inhibitions and the meanings I had attached to them until I unravelled them through NLP. Now it’s your turn to discover the negative emotions you have built up that are holding you back from living the life you truly want. What’s stopping you?
INNOCENT USAR is a Lifestyle Coach, Master Practitioner and Trainer of Neuro – Linguistics Programming. He travels the length and breathe of Nigeria helping individuals, organisations and people of faith to easily break away from fearful as well as other acquired self – limiting patterns
Mobile and Whatsapp: 08032005725
BBM Pin: 58A660D2