A little baby is left outside in a remote village while the mother goes inside to get something the baby needs. In the minute it takes the mother to go in and come back, a snake crawls past the infant child, without disturbing the peace of the baby nor the baby knowing there is some form of danger lurking around. In fact the baby reaches out to touch the serpent which hurriedly crawls away at which point the mother simultaneously comes out and sees the baby crawling, screams, grabs the baby and runs far away from the snake.
As a baby we see the world with the eye of being invincible. It’s not that the dangers did not exist. It was just that our responses to these dangers as babies were more of curiosity and amusement than fear. As babies there’s the freedom to explore and the unique, undiluted ability to trust. This brings to mind two vital questions. So, what changed? “Where does Fear come from?”
Our conditioning to becoming “Fearful” begins as we grow older, when gentle yet damaging phrases like “be careful”; “Don’t go there” among many others are innocently whispered or screamed at us, with no harm meant. These phrases soon become our sources of programming and conditioning that dis-empowers us more than the sincere guidance they were meant to provide. As we grow older, they become trance-like acceptance of everyday living that puts us in a box and impedes our creativity, our trust level and ultimately our growth. These then spread to other areas of our lives. Today, i would love to corner in on the “fear” analogy to better elucidate this point.
Our response(s) to factors that will arise from deciding to do things many other people have deemed as “dangerous; un-realistic or risky” are what truly distinguishes the ordinary from the extraordinary. These responses are a sill over of our deeper inner fears and they as well, are learned.
So ask yourself, what are you afraid of? What has stopped you from being and becoming that which you admire in other people or sometimes even envy in others? Are you aware that we are sometimes not afraid of failure but actually afraid of success? Yes, there is such a fear – the fear of success. Do you have other forms of phobia and fears that you need to deal with?
When you think about it, what makes successful people extraordinary, isn’t doing every day things every Joe is doing or being fearful and anxious of every circumstance. They have been successful because of the ability to live beyond their fear. Yes, fear! Because they do experience it but they have learned to master it or use it.
They have molded their out-of-the-comfort-zone anxieties into something positive that can help and in fact push them towards a greater good. Dale Carnegie, puts it this way “when you think of it (whatever is making you scared), think of what is the worst that can happen and accept it, yet work towards making it a better, positive outcome”. In NLP parlance, we say, “there is no failure only feedback.”
Phobias allergies are learned responses to certain situations and experiences through our history. We frequently get rid of them at our InnocentMINDS in a few minutes at events while teaching *NLP principles, tools and techniques. We however only use them to point out that these irrational fears or responses to certain stimuli are only metaphorical. They serve to represent far deeper issues in the lives and experiences of such individuals who have been held captive by these experiences.
It’s not that fear as an emotion does not exist to ward us off danger or to become a positive motivating factor towards breaking grounds and becoming successful. Instead, we have learned to allow it to be a negative, debilitating emotion which does not serve us but rather mostly paralyses us. EVERYTHING IS LEARNED! Good or bad, we learn all and everything indeed from the environment and our upbringing, including but not limited to fears.
Our response to factors that will arise from deciding to doing things many people will deem as “dangerous; Un-realistic or risky” are what truly distinguishes the ordinary from the Extra-ordinaries.
These are all previous unconscious scripting, conditioning and programming experiences which while expressed with perhaps good intention, go on to cage our ability to dream, and to explore, and to questions the status – quo, and to become all that is within one to become. Fear of Success is just as, if not more debilitating than that of failure. Understanding the “what” behind the fear that one is experiencing is the half-way solution to unleashing your true, powerful self. Reading this write up or reading a book doesn’t automatically and conclusively deal with the fears.
Fears of all sorts, like all emotions are learned and unlearned, or mastered to become a useful tool. It can be a good stimulant that drives you to becoming everything you’ve ever dreamed of becoming and taking a realistic step towards becoming the success you thought was so far-distant it was almost unreachable.
Watch out for Part 2.
INNOCENT USAR is a Lifestyle Coach, Master Practitioner and Trainer of Neuro – Linguistics Programming. He travels the length and breathe of Nigeria helping individuals, organizations and people of faith to easily break away from fearful as well as other acquired self – limiting patterns
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