HELP! He Says I’m Beautiful

“I was my mom’s only child and whenever she was happy, we would go shopping together. She would say, ‘Life is good as long as you have a roof over your head, a healthy body and fine clothes.’ Shopping became my safe place whenever I felt hurt as an adult but that’s only the beginning of my story…”

Daniella is a dear client who just completed one of our recent NLP Results Certification (Level 1) trainings and just reading her feedback almost brought me to tears. You see, there are so many hurting people in our world who need this gift called NLP. I like our adapted brand because it is ecological and accommodates divinity.

Like Daniella, many have been hurt so deeply that a smile, kind words and a pat on the back no longer mean kindness but pain, pain and more pain. Thankfully, she has found healing. Let’s return to her story and journey with her, shall we?

“When I was seven, she died leaving me at the mercy of relatives who labelled me a witch and cold-heartedly shared all her properties among themselves. Not one person cared about me and no one opted to take me in. After reading her will, my cousin who took me home continued to abuse me until I blanked out. I vowed they would never see my pain and that I would make them regret not wanting me.”

Dear friend, I wish I could say Daniella’s story of pain, abuse and torture ended there but it did not. She continued,

“Soon after, I was forced to confess to witchcraft and made to use my fingernails to cut my neck so I would bleed and satisfy their hatred. I still remember the terrible pain I felt then. It hurt so much that I became numb. I died a thousand times in that moment and began to hate my late mum for allowing them do this to me. I still blame her for letting them hurt me.

As if these were not horrifying enough, I was raped by her friends’ sons, religious leaders and several others. It seemed like my life was an endless vortex of pain. I even tried to buy the loyalty and love of others by having money and spending it freely on them. Yet, does money buy loyalty? These same people turned on me the first chance they got.

The last time I was raped, I specifically remember that he kept calling me ‘Beautiful.’ Now, I get very upset when someone says I’m beautiful.

Dear friend, imagine that you are a kind, young man in love with Daniella. She agrees to go on a date with you and as you are about to settle down to eat, you say to her with tenderness and admiration in your voice, “Wow! You look beautiful tonight.”

Naturally, you expect her to smile and mumble a modest word of thanks. You are totally unprepared for what happens next. She flies into a rage, screaming at you at the top of her lungs and calling you obscene names. You open your mouth in shock but nothing comes out and as you try to explain, she grows even louder and more hurtful with her words.

What would you do? Would you excuse her behaviour and find a way to placate her? Would you walk out on her to avoid further embarrassments? Would you give her time and space to heal while seeking psychological help for her? Or, would you make her the butt of nasty jokes while sharing a drink with buddies the next day?

Many times it is easy to judge people based on their behaviour but one lesson Daniella’s story reiterates is that a lot of people are traumatised and going through pain. Will you and I be the solution they need?

Today is Day 2 with over a dozen Muslim women showing massive commitment to use NLP tools to change their lives, work and relationships at our 7-day NLP Results Certification Training, Level 1. I stand with NLP. Our team at InnocentMINDS/IMI Consulting choose to be a solution across the barriers of religion and ethnicity. You should, too.

Your friend,
Innocent USAR



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