Almost Always Doesn’t Count

As Amaka listened to the song on auto replay for the upteenth time, she was overwhelmed by this sudden feeling of shame thinking about all that had unfolded that day. She took another deep breathe as her thoughts ran wild. She stood there looking at the letter she just read. In despair she took everything gracefully. Her visa application had been refused. It was her third denial.

She had boasted so much about the reliability of her new connection. An embassy staff she met at the club a month earlier. When did things degenerate to this, she wondered to herself. She had been so sure that this time, the outcome would favour her but for some reason, things took the wrong turn she had not even anticipated even in her wildest imagination.

Amaka braced up for the worst. She would tell her friends and family the whole truth. She had been persuaded to forge documents for her latest visa application by her new embassy staff friend. She had also just found out to her dismay that he had lost the job for a while now. There was clearly no benefit from exegerating as she was now finding out it continued to create a spasm of anticipation and futility. She was totally exhausted from persistently wearing the mask of an “over achiever.” She was determined to break this pattern. She had to tell herself and others she cared about this home truth and move on with life.

“Near success (or correctness) is not deemed success (or correctness)…” That was the summary of the lesson learned. Everyone knew this but the lesson had just hit her hard. She made a decision to keep her near success stories to herself going forward until she had in her own hands what she was in anticipation of. There was no need to impress her friends or keep up with the Jones anymore.

She recalled vividly the distant echo of the voice of her favourite Ghanaian school teacher, Miss Kweku, “don’t count your chickens before they are hatched…” It seemed ages since she left secondary school but that reminder hurt real bad.

Amaka poured herself her a glass of wine and sank into the cushion of her evergreen sofa as she listened consciously to the gentle replay of the song of one of her favourite artists, the popular Brandy – a count she had lost…

“Almost Doesn’t Count”

Almost made you love me
Almost made you cry
Almost made you happy, baby
Didn’t I didn’t I
You almost had me thinkin’
You were turned around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn’t count

Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you, baby
You’d found it in me
But you can’t get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn’t count

I can’t keep on lovin’ you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that’s never really sure
Can’t keep on tryin’
If you’re looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for

Gonna find me somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a no doubt be there kind of man
You came real close
But everytime you built me up
You only let me down
And everybody knows
Almost doesn’t count

Maybe you’ll be sorry
Maybe you’ll be cold
Maybe you’ll come runnin’ back, baby
From the cruel cruel world
Almost convince me
You’re gonna stick around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn’t count

So maybe I’ll be here
Maybe I’ll see ya around
That’s the way it goes
Almost doesn’t count

*Brandy, “Almost Doesn’t Count”

Have you found yourself wondering why people do this sort of thing? Make declarations about things yet to happen as if they had happened already? Has this been a part of your own weakness as well? Have you overcome it? How did you deal with yours? Or maybe you are still struggling and need someone to hear the echoes of despondency from deep within the recesses of your heart? Are you ready to talk to someone you can trust? Do you want utmost confidentiality with a professional?

If you want healing to start for you now, send me an email telling me about your own journey through that thing or person that hurt you so much and for which you have had difficulty moving on. Send it to my email: usar@innocentminds.com.ng right away. I will be waiting.

This too shall come to pass.

Your friend and Lifestyle Coach,
Innocent USAR

*You may want to enjoy the song in this youtube video…
(https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5jC5MkGu7eU)



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